The Artist as the Art- The creation of Self Portraiture.
By Gloria Mwivanda.
I wonder what was going through Fridah Kahlo’s mind as she made her “self-portrait with thorn necklace and hummingbird” painting. Is there a separation from the self when the artist makes art out of themselves? Are they looking from the inside out to create a self that is idealized by the mind to fit the story they want to tell or are they looking from the outside in to tell the story of the self as seen by the society around them? Are they simply vessels in the moment of creation writing a story that demands to be told and the result just happens to have a resemblance to the self? I have settled in the thought that it is simply like acting in film or theatre, you have a script and in the creation process, you get in character and become who you need to be to get the message across.
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My experimentation with the art of self-portraiture has led me to some interesting observations about the art of being the artist and the art. One that I contended with early on was that there is no room for insecurities. These are things that you are hyper-aware of and feel shame about, physically or in demeanour, most times it is all in your head. At the right angle and with good light a self-portrait feels like a “ felt cute, might delete later’ moment, and these are usually rare. Early on self-portraiture feels like the moment when you accidentally open your front camera and you are met with your huge forehead and a pimple on your chin you hadn't noticed before.
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In the creation process, you have to allow yourself to see yourself in your rawest form, and from there, you work with what you have to shape the narrative.
In the creation process, you have to allow yourself to see yourself in your rawest form, and from there, you work with what you have to shape the narrative. I read on a Pinterest pin a year ago that ‘ You cannot critique and create at the same time’ and I think this is great advice for artists. In self-portraiture photography, you can not be behind the camera and in front of it at the same time. So my second observation would be that the critique comes before the creation in self-portraiture, Instead of the word critique I will call it intense planning and analyzing of the composition. Once you get in front of the camera, you have to be able to trust that the planning was right. The thing is, being good at this aspect of self-portraiture can only come with much experience, you have to allow yourself to create many bad self-portraits as you learn.
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When I was younger I always found that no matter how good I was at something, I just could not do it right if someone was watching me doing the thing. As I practiced self-portraiture I discovered self-consciousness again, this time it was beyond being seen doing, it was being seen period. Back to my first point ‘ no room for insecurities’, yeah, this only applies to you as the artist and the art, everyone else interacting this the art will have opinions and sometimes projections of their own insecurities. Suddenly the room is full of your imperfections on display, here is where the artist has to separate themselves from the art or better still own their story boldly.
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I like to think that once the art is made or the self-portrait is created, it takes on a life of its own in interpretation and experience by everyone else who sees it. People see the world as they are not as it is, and they will experience your work as they are not necessarily as you created it. As the artist, you have to allow space for this.
Back to Fridah Kahlo, I wonder how she felt about painting her moustache shadow or unibrow. As an observer, I am conscious that I am projecting my insecurities on her representation of the self. These seem like inconsequential aspects to her, and if they were, there was no room for insecurities.
